A Study in Impatience Originally written on Medium: July 4, 2018

“Rome wasn’t built in a day.” You could build a miniature replica of Rome in a day, but it wouldn’t be as glorious as the real thing. “Good things come to those who wait.” Then again, you have been waiting for your concert tickets for over an hour so you could leave and enjoy something else in the meantime. But, now you would be missing out on what would have been an awesome night. “Patience is a virtue.” Impatience is a vice.

In the late 1960s, Stanford professor Walter Mischel conducted a study in impatience using kids and their fondness of marshmellows. A child was placed inside a room with a single marshmallow in front of him or her. The child then had two options: wait for about 15 minutes and the professor would reward the child with another marshmallow or, the child could eat the single marshmallow immediately.

In most cases, when the professor returned to the room, the plate was found empty and the child was found stuffed with marshmallow fluff. However, sometimes the child would wait and receive the second reward.

The children were studied as they grew older, and the children who waited the 15 minutes tended to have better life measures (SAT scores, overall happiness, etc.). Now, I’m sure “life measures” are a subjective form of measurement, but nonetheless, the study concludes that being patient makes your life better. It’s not a revolutionary concept. We are taught at a young age that patience is key, and those who posess it accomplish more in life. But as an educator, I wonder, “What about the kids who are impatient? How do we instill patience in them?”

Walter’s study has to do with instant gratification and delayed gratification. We know that delayed gratification usually gives the better outcomes. Therefore, if we can teach kids to get out of the habit of instant gratification, their lives would be better off.

When I teach my students, I place them in a situation that does not cause impatience. For example, when a student is learning a certain section of a piece, I don’t tell him or her to finish the section within 5 minutes or three tries because that would create unnecessary pressure. Rather, I figure out specifically what is wrong with how they are learning the section and show them strategies they can use to fix it. Then, I sit back for a few minutes and watch the student try to use the tools. It’s showing, not telling.

As teachers, we need to be extra careful in how we shift the perspectives of students as they learn. We have to see where their gap in the knowledge is and “spot” them like a gym trainer. But, we also need to let our students struggle and figure out their own way. We allow them to build their learning muscles so that the students can eventually learn on their own.

The steps are to first define the game, or, set expectations that do not produce the impatience side effect. Then, teach and test the tools necessary to learn. And finally, observe the gaps and find out what they don’t know.

The next part is getting the students to believe and understand that patience is the best way to go. Especially today, where there is an emphasis on learning quickly instead of effectively, it becomes difficult for students and parents alike to want the high road. Everyone wants a short-term win.

One of my students (let’s call him George) and his mom tried to learn piano without patience. George was a very talented student, and he wanted to be exceptional at piano. He was also a great copier, meaning that if a concert pianist played something, he would record it and copy the style exactly. By the age of 7 or 8, a student in this situation would appear to be extraordinary. In reality, what he or she has learned is how to copy.

This family’s goal was not to become a talented and incredible pianist. It was to look or sound like a talented and incredible pianist. George’s lack of patience and desire to sound extraordinary in a short amount of time kept him from learning. Eventually, when I realized that I was setting George down this path, I stopped letting him take the easy way out. He and his mom left my studio soon after.

Parents often ask me, “How long will it take for my child to become good at piano?” or “When will they be able to play this song?” These questions fail to understand the power of being patient while learning. In my eyes, the purpose of learning piano isn’t to learn piano. It’s about learning the lessons that come with it and applying them to everyday life.

I would argue that impatience is the most deadly of the seven deadly sins of learning. It kills the learning process. It kills the virtues that are gained from learning an instrument like piano. As great as easy wins may feel, the long term wins of curiosity, independence, and intellect are what we are really after.

JT